Mary Ucci: Guidelines For Speaking With Preschoolers About Change, Child Health ALERT

As parents, health care providers, and educators, we want to help children build strong emotional foundations that will "support" them through the many changes that will challenge them throughout their lives.

Mary Ucci: Guidelines For Speaking With Preschoolers About Change, Child Health ALERT

As parents, health care providers, and educators, we want to help children build strong emotional foundations that will "support" them through the many changes that will challenge them throughout their lives.

1) Preschool children have a fear and distrust of the unknown and unusual; conversely they like and need clear routines. Therefore, when adults announce an unexpected change, preschoolers often think that something bad might occur. If it is not something they are routinely accustomed to, it may be something to be feared. Adults might say, "Don't be surprised," or "This is a little different," or "Just because we drove in Daddy's van, instead of Mommy's van, don't be surprised that the rules are still the same; we always have to buckle our seat belts."

2) Preschool children want to know who is in charge of their care during a change, and their own primary caregivers (parents) are most important. Therefore, adults should make it clearly understood, verbally and physically, who is taking childcare responsibility. "I am going to the store and Grandma is going to take care of you and the baby here at home until I come back" or, "Marianna is going home, and Sue and Debbie will be here to help children until she comes back." "There is always a grown-up to take care of children."

3) When parents tell children about change, the parents have an opportunity to convey a sense of optimism, safety, and matter-of-factness, as well as an appropriate emotional, affective response to the change. "Suzie is going to stop being your baby sitter. She is going to live in another place far away from here, and that's what is supposed to happen. She'll come back to see us sometime. And mommy and daddy will always take care of you. Sometimes we feel sad when our babysitter has to go away, and that's okay. People feel sad for a while and then they feel better."

4) Many changes that are meaningful to adults are not as meaningful to young children; in fact, it may be unnecessary or harmful to fill preschoolers' minds with information about changes that are not relevant to them. Young children usually do not need to know that the house next door had a robbery occur or that the local grocery store is going to close. Therefore, adults need to choose what events are important to explain to children.